Life can be many things тАУ funny, paradoxical, ironic, tragic, karmic, magical…In my case it’s been all of the above and I would only change one thing if I could, I would take away the pain and suffering of my children. Partly for selfish reasons and partly for their sake too. I don’t think there is anything worse then to watch your child suffer. Sometimes the challenges are just too much, the pain and hurt is too deep. Even if in the long run they may be better off having gone through it like I was, it doesn’t always have a good ending.

So like many parents out there I have to wait, hope, pray and see what happens.

I wasn’t always so unsure. In fact I was the most confident assured soon to be wife and mother out there.

It was my life’s mission to never make the mistakes my parents made.

I was going to be the perfect wife and mother and I knew exactly how.

I observed and learned from all the successful parents and couples around me. I read anything that was out there on parenting and relationships and I would do whatever it took to make my dream come true.

I met and married the nicest man who was an outstanding husband and father. My kids were loving ,amazing and talented! Why? because I worked hard at it, I gave my husband and my kids my heart and soul. I stood by them through thick and thin. I went far beyond the call of duty.

So what could have lead to everything falling apart? A tsunami hit us straight on, how could I have missed the signs ?

Hindsight can be a great tool to get you depressed and wallow in regret or you can use the past to propel you and move you into new directions. It’s a choice.

Looking back I saw the should’ves and could’ves. The seeds I planted and the mistakes I made were painfully shamefully obvious. Not only did I make similar errors to the ones of my parents, but my situation was even worse.

Those stories I wrote years ago for myself and the other children in my life were not meant for my kids. I wrote them before I was even married. Divorce and adult conflict was not supposed to be in their life.

But I’ve made my choice. I’m choosing to grow and learn from the seeds I planted, the mistakes I made and challenges I am now facing. While many of the characters and stories I wrote so long ago are the same, I am not. I have evolved as a person and the stories are not only my story, it’s all of our story.